How to be a good BDSM top, dominant
I AM DOMINATE.
This phrase has become a bit of a joke within the kink community, based on individuals making this (grammatically incorrect) statement on kinky social networking sites. The profile where you will find this short, defiant statement will likely also be filled with other “twue” and inflexible declarations about what an awesome Dominate they are.
Proper spelling and grammar aren't required to be a good dominant but it does help! There are definitely more important things and they all come from the inside out.
Good domination is based in confidence, not arrogance. Confidence and having self-control is sexy. Arrogance and being rude is a turn off. Which do you want to be?
It is up to you what “type” of dominant you are; sensual, stern, teasing, nurturing or any other style. One style isn’t better than another it’s just matters how you feel most comfortable. Play around and see what feels the most inspiring way for you to enjoy being dominant. It’s much more important for you to find an expression of dominance that you relate to than behaving in some pre-described, cliché way.
Being self-aware is also key to being a good dominant. Don’t expect anyone else to bow to you (in scene or in life) if you can’t take a good hard look at why you want them to do so.
Are you insecure and in need of reassurance of your worth? Do you feel chaotic in your life and want to have some kind of deliberate authority over someone or something? Does being in control make you feel erotic and powerful?
There isn’t necessarily a right or wrong answer – unless it turns into an abusive situation, which is a whole different level of engagement. No matter what it is, figure out where your motivation is coming from. That inner-dialogue has to continue out loud – at least some form of it – with your partner and hopefully they will share their own inner dialogue about their experience.
Communication is vital, no matter the power dynamic. Even if you live a 24/7 D/s relationship there has to be time and space for all individuals to share their needs and desires candidly. It is possible to accomplish this in any relationship, if you’re willing to find whatever form of communication works best for you. There are a lot of ways to communicate; in person, on the phone, email, texts and hand written journals are all options depending your comfort level.
Consistency is also helpful for many reasons, mainly in building trust. When you are worthy of being trusted, you are worthy of someone submitting to you. Being genuinely trusted allows a dominant to explore the depths of their willing submissive in a healthy, positive way. Being trustworthy has a lot to do with knowing your own motivations & limits, so you can guide your submissive through theirs.
Don’t ever dominate out of anger. Ever. It’s the surest path to being abusive. Take a time out, and wait until you’re only moderately annoyed. Again, if you can’t control yourself you have absolutely no business being in charge of someone else.
Finally, don’t take yourself too seriously! Remember that we’re all human, it’s ok for you to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and don’t get overly worked up about it. It’s ok for your submissive to make mistakes too, you’re both learning and growing and experimenting and experiencing.
Princess Kali is a dynamic kink educator that focuses on power exchange, sexual confidence & other pervy fun stuff! Now, with over a decade of experience in exploring sexually alternative lifestyles & professions, her time is focused on running the revolutionary websites she’s founded over the last 5 years; Kink Academy, Passionate U, New To Kink & FearlessPress.com.
Growing up an only child, I always wanted a Clifford the Big Red Dog-sized canine companion. Sadly, despite my best efforts, I entered into adulthood having unsuccessfully petitioned my mother for such a beast. At 26, however, I became the owner of a 5-foot-10-inch, 240-pound human pup by the name of Bubby.
Although I’ve always considered myself to be closer to vanilla on the kink spectrum, I’ve recently found myself being one kinky motherfucker. It started with a little roughness and led into a sadistic awakening. Now, a little puppy play has led into a budding full-time D/s relationship, and I am super excited.
Bottom line: While Fifty Shades of Grey Hard Limits Bed Restraint Kit isn’t a Christian Grey-type luxury item, it is wholly capable for almost every beginner restraint’s needs. With its high-quality, just-right pricing and simple, everyday kink styling, it should be right at home in your starter playroom.
I recently started dating a poly and kinky woman (T). She is married to her Dominant. They also have a live-in BDSM slave who is owned and collared like myself, but my relationship with T isn’t kinky. In fact, we’re careful to keep our relationship deliberately vanilla. Well, as vanilla as strap-ons and hair pulling can be. Why? Because of boundaries, my darling readers.
This phrase has become a bit of a joke within the kink community, based on individuals making this (grammatically incorrect) statement on kinky social networking sites. The profile where you will find this short, defiant statement will likely also be filled with other “twue” and inflexible declarations about what an awesome Dominate they are.
Proper spelling and grammar aren't required to be a good dominant but it does help! There are definitely more important things and they all come from the inside out.
Initially, I was taken aback by the question, “what does it mean to be a good submissive?” It is a very subjective question and you will get a million different answers from Dominants and submissives alike. So, let me preface this article by saying there is no one way to be a “good” submissive. However, there are steps one can take to ensure the growth and quality of your identity and relationships.
I recently did a Google Hangout interview with the fat femme lesbians of Lesbian Curves: Courtney Trouble, Kitty Stryker, Betty Blac and Cinnamon Maxine. Despite some major sleepiness on my part – we didn’t start recording until 1:36am ET – we had a good fucking time.
In this exclusive interview got to talk about Lesbian Curves 2: Hard Femme, mommy fetishes and Courtney Trouble’s love for April Flores. Betty Blac and Kit
ty Stryker got to discuss what it was like shooting with each other and the differences between Lesbian Curves and Lesbian Curves 2. We also got some juicy inside details on the already-in-production Lesbian Curves 3 from Courtney and Cinnamon soon after shooting the first scene, which stars Cinnamon Maxine and porn legend Syd Blakovich.
Of course, the best thing about rope bondage is the end result. Seeing a lover's body crisscrossed with rope is so-fucking-hot. In my mind, there is nothing more beautiful than a man unburdened of his strength, rendered helpless, bent and bound according to my wishes. Nothing is hotter than a man who is eager to give me control, and nothing turns me on quite like taking it.
When it comes to finding your kinks, fetishes and what turns you on in general, it’s all about experimentation. You’ve got to try lots of different combinations before you’ll find what skeets your jizz.
Normally, when you’re exploring things, you go outside yourself but, in this case, you need to look inside. The one thing you need to know about kinks is that they're all in your head. That means, in order to find them, you've got to get all inception in this bitch.
Whether you’re a dom who’s force feminizing your pretty little sub bitch or a guy who just likes to feel soft and feminine, you know how hard it is to find lingerie that fits a guy’s body. Well, I just stumbled across a store that fixes that problem. HommeMystere is an online store that specializes in men’s hosiery and lingerie for the pretty girl in every man.
The 4th of July is a time to celebrate independence and freedom. What better way to do that than to watch three women shoot fireworks out of their pretty pink assholes? In case you’re wondering: yes, fireworks fetish is a real thing. Some people find the pyrotechnics and loud booms to be just the thing to get their pussies wet.
You love your men tied up in bondage rope, gagged and vulnerable to your every whim? Yeah, so do we. There’s something incredibly sexy about watching your pitiful male sub writhe around helplessly while bound in intricate ropes and knots. The way the ropes keep him so still and vulnerable is enough to warrant a spanking. So, today, we’ve got a collection of pics and gifs of male submissives tied up and ready for their master's use. Enjoy.
You love your women tied up in bondage rope, gagged and vulnerable to your every whim? Yeah, so do we. There’s something incredibly sexy about watching your sexy sub writhe around helplessly while bound in intricate ropes and knots. So, today, we’ve got a collection of pics and gifs of hot chicks tied up and ready for you. Enjoy.
Welcome to Kink Month on LTASEX. This month, we’re going to be taking some time to appreciate and accentuate all those wonderful kinks and fetishes that make sex so much fun. We’ll be talking about kink, fetish, feet, legs, body hair, stockings, heels, ropes, chains and more body fluids than you can probably think of. We’ll also have some awesome guest posts and interviews from and with kinksters from all-over the sex bloggosphere. It's going to be sexy, slutty and fun, as always. ;)
