How to own your sexuality
One of the reasons I started Let's Talk About Sex (now LTASEX) is because I wanted to help people gain confidence in their sexuality. What I didn't expect is that I would be helping myself as well.
As a gay man, I walk a lot of social and cognitive barriers. I am a male and therefore I've been shellacked with the same BS notions of masculinity as all other guys. But I'm also gay and with that comes some activities that can make or break one's masculine identity; activities like taking it up the bum.
Even though I've taken it up the bum quite a few times in my life, it is very rare that I would actually admit that. I'd admit to my three-digit sexual partner count, homosexuality and lack of STI history proudly. But when it came to admitting the one sexual act that I eroticize most and wish I had more of, I simply skirt around the issue.
When it came up in conversation, "are you a top or a bottom," I always used to say a little of both. The truth is that I have only topped a handful of occasions, back when I was still figuring things out sexually. I didn't enjoy it very much and haven't tried it at all in my adult life. So, why would I lie and say I do something sexually that I actually never do?
At first I didn't know and bandied about possible reasons within myself. At first I thought it was just a way of keeping myself open to the possibility, that's good as a sex positive person. Then I tried some story about how I wouldn't say no if a guy wanted me to. I even tried to convince myself that I wanted to try it.
Just because I'm a sex positive doesn't mean I have to be this omni-sexual wunderkind. I would totally chicken out of a guy suggested it. I don't want to try it. So, why? Recently, the reason became clear: I am uncomfortable with admitting that I like to take it in the ass because I think it makes me seem less masculine.
My identity as a man and my sense of masculinity doesn't usually factor into much of my behavior. I will sing Britney at the top of my lungs and not give a molecule of a fuck. I will twerk it at the bus stop and I will be fierce. But when it came to simply talking about the one thing that I should be most comfortable with, I'm suddenly burdened with barrel of fucks just waiting to be given.
My experience, isn’t unusual. I've heard far too many guys talk about how they won't bottom because they're a man and men don't do that, even the gay ones. I've heard women talk about how they don't feel like a woman unless the house is clean. It's ridiculous. It's bullshit.
The fact of the matter is that I, like every other man, women and of age teen, have the right to enjoy any kind of sex I like. My choice to do so or not has absolutely no bearing on who I am as a person, a gay (or otherwise) or a man (or otherwise).
It took me a long time to understand that about my swishy hips, lisp and gay face. But now I wish somebody would look at me badly because of it. I’m not quite there with my enjoyment of anal sex but I think this 673 word blog post should help move that along quite nicely.
The moral of the story is that your sex is your own and you need to own it. Never let anybody make you feel bad because you like your partner to step on your balls, pee on you or anything else. Sure our sexual behaviors are weird but so is eating the flesh of an animal or working when you don’t want to. At least this way, you get an orgasm out of it.
Five years, more than 700 blogs, 50 videos, 40 podcasts, 3 events, 2 ebooks and 1 directory - LTASEX is a self-funded labor of love. If you get value out of LTASEX, consider tossing a couple bucks this way. Your donations help ease the burden on my slender pockets and allow me to spend more time working on new content for you.
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